Let Them Have Their Moment

Let Them Have Their Moment

 

This past weekend was one that involved a lot of "thinking". I had some yard chores that needed to be done and typically this is one of the places I get some of my best "thinking" time in.

As most of you know I have three adult children. I'm extremely proud of each of them. All three have the ability to think beyond themselves. They all possess a fair bit of common sense. They are bright, smart, witty adults that amaze me daily! They all seem to think however, that I possess some "twilight -zone-esk" ability to foresee things.

When they were young this played to my advantage more than once. I'm sure they were convinced I had some kind of super powers that enabled me to "know" exactly what was going to happen.

Truth be told, I think there are certain people who have an ability to look at situations, body language, vocal ques etc. and can draw conclusions with a fair bit of accuracy. To the general population who isn't "tuned in" to those subtleties it can appear very "psychic" like.

As a young woman, I would often be heard saying, "I had a feeling that was going to happen". Or, even more aggravatingly, "I KNEW that was going to happen!" This often got met with a comment like, "uh huh SURE you did!" So, in order to combat the skepticism I began telling people in advance what I thought would happen. If I felt as if no one would listen, I might even write it down. Why I did this was to try to validate my intuitive tendencies.

As I look at those events now, I see them not as validation but something deeper. Why was it so important that I prove that I sensed or suspected or thought someone might say or do something in advance of them actually doing it? The reason is one that I now look at with a sense of sadness and maybe even shame. You see, while I do believe that there are those who can have very strong intuitive tendencies I don't believe it is necessary to constantly voice those thoughts. I think my reasons for feeling the need was to somehow elevate my stature to those with whom I shared the " I knew it" comment. So what if I "knew it"? It doesn't change what happened. What it does change is exactly the opposite of what I was hoping to accomplish. I'd ruin the joy of a gift giver hoping to surprise me. I deflated the discovery of something new. Those who constantly heard... "I knew that would happen", only got annoyed and often feelings were hurt. Many times the comment was met with great skepticism and sarcastic comment. Yet, for some reason, it was important for people to know that "I knew it" before they did.

Pride. Self esteem. Ego. The need to feel respected. Yes, all of them. I didn't realize it at the time but these were the reasons I felt it necessary to voice my intuitive, deductive, sometimes discerning thoughts.

As I watch my adult children figure things out, learn something new or have an "aha" moment it's often tempting to say, " I knew that already. Or, "I could've/would've told you that." To say such a thing totally strips the joy of discovery from them. I demeans their growth as they learn and think their way through life. It removes they joy of a gift that someone worked so hard to come up with. It deflates the giver. All because I felt the need to say, "I knew it!" It elevates me to the "know it all level" and places them at the "you'll never be able to surprise me or learn something I didn't already know" level.

My prayer is that I would put my own selfish need to be "ahead of everyone else" away and let those I love have their moment. Celebrate with them their discoveries. Allow them the joy of the surprise. Rejoice in their celebrations and sorrow in their disappointments. In the end, it's not about me or my "I knew it" ability. It's about them and their moment.

 

 

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